I’ve been riddled with huge amounts of stress for the past couple of weeks. I don’t really know how to describe what I’m feeling. I get overwhelmed more easily than usual. If I have to make multiple decisions over a short period of time it increases my stress level. If there is homework to be done, it takes Herculean amounts of effort to get started. I’m far more likely to sit on my couch playing Minecraft than to get started on something that needs to be done.
I know what this feeling is. It’s burnout; it’s what happens when I push myself too hard for too long. I have to listen to what my body is telling me (too much! slow down!) before I wind up in a situation where I have no choice but to cut back and what I’m doing…whether I can afford to do so or not.
I’ve done several things to start combatting the stress I feel. I’ve resumed both meditation and exercise, though neither practice is back to being totally consistent. They have helped immensely, even though it’s a huge pain to get make myself get started. I make sure that I take as much time as possible to rest and relax when there is free time in my schedule.
In spite of my best efforts to handle the stress, the cracks are starting to show. I get overwhelmed really easily these days. Last night my business partner, Elizabeth, wanted to make some decisions on a product we offer for sale on our web site. After a couple of questions, I felt completely overwhelmed and stressed out. It’s not that the questions were hard to answer; they aren’t. I just didn’t have the…whatever…that I needed in order to handle the decision-making process.
I’ve had a test hanging over my head for the last two weeks and last night was the appointed night to take it. I’ve had a hard time forcing myself to study, and as a result any thought about the exam would produce even more stress, since I felt unprepared. It was a vicious cycle, and the easiest thing to do to deal with the stress was to avoid thinking about it. Easy, but not particularly smart as a long-term strategy.
As soon as the test was over (I think I did okay on it), it felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. For the next couple of hours, I felt light and free. It was the glorious absence of stress. Usually I know where my sources of anxiety are coming from, but I have so much to keep in mind right now that I didn’t realize how much of my day-to-day stress level was because of that exam. It was a surprising revelation; I tend to be pretty self-aware.
That was last night. I feel pretty good today, although I still feel a lot of stress. I’ve been able to plan out the things I need to do today, whereas over the past several weeks it’s been an effort to just do the bare minimum. Planning out even a couple of hours feels like a luxury.
This kind of stress is why I am choosing to take such an extended trip to South America. I need to disconnect from day-to-day life and simply relax. It will give me a chance to recover from all the stress I’ve been under, reflect on what the next move should be, and decide how to get there.
In order to get there, I need to survive the next couple of months. There are large projects due for my classes, events to hold for HeartSpark, and of course, my day job. I cannot keep this up for much longer. Fortunately, I only have a couple of months to go. 🙂